This past Tuesday, Pennsylvania held their primary elections. It was a quiet election. In my area, most positions were uncontested, so there wasn’t much to vote on. But still, I was surprised there wasn’t much talk about the election. I didn’t hear anyone talk about the election before it was held, and the day after, I only heard one person bring up the topic. For some reason, people weren’t interested in this primary.

What were they interested in? What did they talk about all week?

We’ve had rain every day since last Thursday. Not a lot of rain most days, but some each day. Although rain was a regular topic, what people really wanted to talk about was their grass. Because of the rain, the grass has been growing profusely, and people haven’t been able to mow. Everyone’s lawns are getting long. People were speculating about the rain holding off long enough to mow their lawns after work. Will the rain let up over the weekend so we can cut the grass? People couldn’t get enough of the topic.

I went to a local restaurant for lunch today. The hostess escorted us to a table and then said the most amazing thing: “April will be here in a few minutes to wait on you.”

If time were flowing normally, April wouldn’t arrive for about three weeks.

I haven’t posted in a while. Even though this is a little late, I wanted to write something about the Pittsburgh Steeler’s Super Bowl victory.

I was in high school the last time the Steelers won the Super Bowl. At that point, I don’t think anyone in this area would have guessed it would take twenty-six years for the Steelers to win another. They were so used to the way the Steelers dominated football in the 70′s, people quickly adopted the phrase, “One for the thumb!” to talk about their expectation of the Steelers to win their fifth Super Bowl ring.

Well, today people around Pittsburgh are just as expectant of the continued success of the Steelers. The other day our local newspaper had the headline: “Dynasty?” The article was about how the Steelers have a lot of young players, and they have the potential to win several more Super Bowls with this core team. Talk about presumption! They’ve just won their first in twenty-six years, and now people expect them to win again the next few years.

But this now begs the question: What phrase will people use for their expectation of the Steelers winning their next Super Bowl? “One for the little finger on the other hand” just doesn’t sound quite right. How about “One for Count Rugen’s thumb”?

This is like finding out that Abbot hated Costello, or peanut butter actually tastes awful in chocolate, or that hot dogs really belong at chess matches rather than baseball games.

In Keene, New Hampshire, Police and donuts don’t go together well.

Headline WLBZ 2 Bangor: Police Computers Clash With Dunkin’ Donuts System

KEENE, N.H. (AP) For Keene, New Hampshire police officers, getting through the drive-through at Dunkin’ Donuts can be quite a nuisance. — It turns out the officers’ in-car computers interfere with Dunkin’ Donuts computer system. Police using the drive-through have to disconnect their computer modems to avoid clashing with the restaurants’ system.

Walking down the sidewalk across the street from the Dollar Bank main branch in Pittsburgh, there is an interesting double door. I don’t know what the doors lead to, as whatever used to be in that part of the building appears to have been closed for years. There are no signs for a business, club or office. It just is a door. But what a door. The double doors are made of metal (brass?), and each door has five of these “flower” panels.

In the middle ages, churches would have collections of relics that they would periodically display for a fee. These relics would be things like the bones of saints, or the tears of the Virgin Mary in a bottle. John Calvin noted that there were enough splinters of Jesus’ cross in Europe to build a whole city. There were numerous skulls of John the Baptist, and most of the apostles had multiple bodies.

But the other day, I saw that our church had an interesting relic sitting out back. Sitting in the center of the fire ring was Shadrach’s chair.

Headline Washington Times: Moss thrives on screens

I will post something to me judice every day often occasionally in 2006.

(It is important to make your resolutions achievable.)

Wesley: A few more steps, and we will be safe in the Fire Swamp.

Buttercup: We’ll never survive.

Wesley: Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.

[Later after some adventures in the fire swamp.]

Buttercup: We’ll never succeed. We may as well die here.

Wesley: No. No, we have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the fire spurt. No problem. There’s a popping sound preceding each. We can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand. But you were clever enough to discover what that looks like so in the future we can avoid that too.

Buttercup: Wesley, what about the R.O.U.S.s?

Wesley: Rodents of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.

The Princess Bride, movie edition

A Pittsburgh area family must have seen The Princess Bride.

Headline Tribune-Review: Popping sounds scare off family

When they started hearing popping sounds in their house, they didn’t wait around for the R.O.U.S.s to show up. Thankfully they didn’t fall into any lightning sand as they fled.

From the Tribune Review.

Steelers coach Bill Cowher does not expect the league to fine linebacker James Harrison for body-slamming a fan Saturday in Cleveland, where the spectator got onto the field and raced toward the Steelers bench.

“There is no chance of that happening whatsoever,” Cowher said. “No way. I will not let it happen. Security oughta give him a little bit for what he did for them. He held the guy down. It took four of them to take (the fan) off. James could have just carried him out of there and thrown him into the stands again or something and come back.”

AP Photo:

Caption: “Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison slams a fan to the turf after he ran onto the field during the fourth quarter of the Steelers’ 41-0 NFL win over the Cleveland Browns Saturday, Dec. 24, 2005, in Cleveland. (AP Photo/Tony Dejak)”