I was keeping the score book at the 15-and-under girls softball game on Saturday, and one of the girls wanted to tell me about her week at school.

“This week, I learned a new word. It started with a ‘P’, and it means ‘Pen pal’. It was…. It was… Hey,” she asked one of her teammates, “what was that ‘P’ word we learned that means ‘Pen pal’?”

“You mean ‘Pseudonym’. It means ‘Pen name’, not ‘Pen pal’,” her friend replied.

“That’s the word!”

Pen pal, pen name. What’s the difference?

Q.54. What does the third commandment require?

A. The third commandment requires the holy and reverent use of God’s names, titles, qualities, regulations, word, and works.

As with all the ten commandments, we cannot content ourselves with simply obeying in a strict and wooden fashion. For example, I am not keeping the sixth commandment when I harbor hatred for them in my heart even though I refrain from killing them. We must keep the spirit of the law, and that means we must go beyond the letter. And so for this command, we cannot just refrain from saying “God” in an irreverent way. We must also refrain from misusing other names and titles for God. We must be careful in how we talk about Him. We must also take care in the way we use His scriptures.

Psalm+138:2

I bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy tells about the planet making industry.

Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the former Galactic Empire, life was wild, rich and largely tax free.

Mighty starships plied their way between exotic suns, seeking adventure and reward among the furthest reaches of Galactic space. In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before–and thus was the Empire forged.

Many men of course became extremely rich, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of because no one was really poor–at least no one worth speaking of. And for all the richest and most successful merchants life inevitably became rather dull and niggly, and they began to imagine that this was therefore the fault of the worlds they’d settled on. None of them was entirely satisfactory: either the climate wasn’t quite right in the later part of the afternoon, or the day was half an hour too long, or the sea was exactly the wrong shade of pink.

And thus were created the conditions for a staggering new form of specialist industry: custom-made luxury planet building. The home of this industry was the planet Magrathea, where hyperspatial engineers sucked matter thorough holes in space to form it into dream planets–gold planets, platinum planets, soft rubber planets with lots of earthquakes–all lovingly made to meet the exacting standards that the Galaxy’s richest men naturally came to expect.

Now the ability to build your own planet is available to you on the Internet. Here’s a web site that lets you design your own planet.

Via Digg.

I’ve been in some tough choirs in my time. I recall the choir director insisting we avoid chocolate and dairy products before the concert. So naturally we brought chocolate milk and M&Ms to eat at the pre-concert warmup. We got the look from the choir director, but nothing worse. Of course, her look was pretty severe, but we survived.

I’m glad I didn’t sing in this choir. They call the cops if you miss the cutoff. Of course, these guys really missed the cutoff by quite a lot.

CHARLOTTE HARBOR — The pastor of a Charlotte Harbor church had 16 church members booted from a service after they allegedly refused to stop singing and let the clergyman preach.

Deputies were called at 10 a.m. Saturday by Pastor David Noel of the Seventh Day Adventist Church on Harborview Road.

Noel told a deputy he was instructed by regional church superiors to involve law enforcement to remove the rogue choir.

Imperial Officer: We have analyzed their traffic light patterns, sir, and there is a danger. Should we hasten our steps across the street?

Grand Moff Tarkin: Hasten our steps in our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.

(Notice the green light.)

Reuters Photo:

Caption: “Star Wars’ characters Darth Vader and a group of stormtroopers cross a street in New York’s Times Square in New York February 13, 2005. The stormtroopers were out to promote the release of ‘Star Wars BattleFront 2′ video game and to mark the opening of the DigitalLife convention at the Jacob Javits convention center in New York. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid”

An archeologist came home the other day and told his wife she didn’t have to cook supper because he brought home some leftovers.

Reuters Photo:

Caption: “An undated handout photograph, released October 12, 2005, shows noodles dating back 4,000 years on top of an in-filled sediment cone. Italians are known for them and theories suggest they may have originated in the Middle East but scientists said on Wednesday the world’s oldest known noodles, dating back 4,000 years, were made in China. Houyuan Lu, of the Chinese Academy of Science in Beijing and his colleagues found the ancient noodles preserved in an overturned, sealed bowl at an archaeological site near the Yellow River in northwestern China. FOR EDITORIAL USE ONLY REUTERS/Chinese Academy of Science/Handout”

Q.53. What is the third commandment?

A. The third commandment is: You shall not misuse the name of the Lord you God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

Have you ever wondered, with all many varied things you can say to express shock, surprise, or disgust, why do so many people use God’s name? Why God’s name and not something else? It is so prevalent and so accepted anymore that you now here God’s name being used in vain in advertising commercials. Why do people misuse God’s name?

Is it just our perverse, sinful nature, that we do what is forbidden? Do people use God’s name in vain just because of the third commandment, like the people who walk on the grass just because there is a sign that says “Don’t walk on the grass”? Perhaps that is it. We have a desire to touch something that is labeled “Do not touch.” And since God has commanded that we not misuse His name, we have a desire to misuse it.

We must never misuse God’s name. God’s name represents who He is and what He does. To be disrespectful of His name is to be disrespectful of Him, and if we are not careful with His name, He promises to bring judgement.

In Exodus 34, we see an example of how God’s name is more than just a label for referring to Him, and we also see that the correct response to God’s name is worship.

Exodus 34:1-8

¹ The LORD said to Moses, “Cut for yourself two tablets of stone like the first, and I will write on the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. ² Be ready by the morning, and come up in the morning to Mount Sinai, and present yourself there to me on the top of the mountain. ³ No one shall come up with you, and let no one be seen throughout all the mountain. Let no flocks or herds graze opposite that mountain.” ⁴ So Moses cut two tablets of stone like the first. And he rose early in the morning and went up on Mount Sinai, as the LORD had commanded him, and took in his hand two tablets of stone. ⁵ The LORD descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD. ⁶ The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, ⁷ keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.” ⁸ And Moses quickly bowed his head toward the earth and worshiped.

Ten-year-old-and-under softball in the fall isn’t the best attended sport.

This picture was from 17 Sep 2005, not from today’s game. Today was cold and raining, and instead of playing the two scheduled games, the girls played three innings of one game before it was all called off. In the constant drizzle, the field became too muddy to continue.

In the picture above, nobody sat in the away team stands. Instead, the away team fans sat in the home team stands, or in their own chairs closer to the field.

The steeple of the UCC church in Columbus, PA. About ten years ago, the steeple on this church blew off in a micro-burst storm. This is the replacement steeple.

(Warning, foul language and inappropriate stories follow. Children should not continue reading this.)

You always have to be careful when you select someone to speak to a group of young children. Will the speaker be appropriate for the children, or will they use bad language or mature topics? You must use wisdom in picking your speaker.

Clearly, Bertie Wooster is not a good pick. Here is his speech to Miss Tomlinson’s girls school as recorded in Bertie Changes His Mind as narrated by his valet Jeeves:

‘Girls,’ said Miss Tomlinson, ’some of you have already met Mr Wooster–Mr Bertram Wooster, and you all, I hope, know him by reputation.’ Here, I regret to say, Mr Wooster gave a hideous, gurgling laugh, and, catching Miss Tomlinson’s eye, turned a bright scarlet. Miss Tomlinson resumed: ‘He has very kindly consented to say a few words to you befor ehe leaves, and I am sure that you will all give him your very earnest attention. No, please.’ ….

‘Well, you know–’ he said.

Then it seemed to strike him that this opening lacked the proper formal dignity.

‘Ladies–’

A silvery peal of laughter from the front row stopped him again.

‘Girls!’ said Miss Tomlinson. She spoke in a low, soft voice, but the effect was immediate. Perfect stillness instantly descended upon all present. I am bound to say that, brief as my acquaintance with Miss Tomlinson had been, I could recall few women I had admired more. She had grip.

I fancy that Miss Tomlinson had gauged Mr Wooster’s oratorical capabilities pretty correctly by this time, and had come to the conclusion that little in the way of a stirring address was to be expected from him.

‘Perhaps,’ she said, ‘as it is getting late, and he has not very much time to spare, Mr Wooster will just give you some little words of advice which may be helpful to you in after-life, and then we will sing the school song and disperse to our evening lessons.’

She looked at Mr Wooster. He passed a finger round the inside of his collar.

‘Advice? After-life? What? Well, I don’t know–’

‘Just some brief word of counsel, Mr Wooster,’ said Miss Tomlinson firmly.

‘Oh, well–Well, yes–Well–’ It was painful to see Mr Wooster’s brain endeavouring to work. ‘Well, I’ll tell you something that’s often done me a bit of good, and it’s a thing not many people know. My old Uncle Henry gave me the tip when I first came to London. “Never forget, my boy,” he said, “that, if you stand outside Romano’s in the Strand, you can see the clock on the wall of the Law Courts down in Fleet Street. Most people who don’t know don’t believe it’s possible, because there are a couple of churches in the middle of the road, and you would think they would be in the way. But you can, and it’s worth knowing. You can win a lot of money betting on it with fellows who haven’t found it out.” And by Jove, he was perfectly right, and it’s a thing to remember. Many a quid I–’

Miss Tomlinson gave a hard, dry cough, and he stopped in the middle of a sentence.

‘Perhaps it will be better, Mr Wooster,’ she said, in a cold, even voice, ‘if you were to tell my girls some little story. What you say is, no doubt, extremely interesting, but perhaps a little–’

‘Oh, ah, yes,’ said Mr Wooster. ‘Story? Story?’ He appeared completely distraught, poor young gentleman. ‘I wonder if you’ve heard the one about the stockbroker and the chorus-girl?’

‘We will now sing the school song,’ said Miss Tomlinson, rising like an iceberg.

Thus ends Bertie Wooster’s carear as a children’s speaker.

But picking a bad speaker for children isn’t limited to fiction.

Headline Telegraph: Vicar and children’s author thrown out of the classroom for swearing

A parish priest who became a best-selling children’s author was asked to leave a secondary school because he used “inappropriate language” during a talk to 11- and 12-year-old pupils.

Teachers halted the talk be G P Taylor, the author of Shadowmancer, after he used words such as bum, arse, bogey, fart and crap.