Q.24. How is Christ a prophet?

A. As a prophet, Christ reveals the will of God to us for our salvation by His word and Spirit.

John 1:18

No one has seen God at any time. The only begotten Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, He has declared Him.

AP Photo:

Caption: “A Talapoin Monkey (Miopithecus Talapoin) screeches from his cage at the Santillana del Mar’s Zoo in northern Spain, March 16, 2005. REUTERS/Victor Fraile”

From Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. In this passage, two nuclear tipped missiles were launched at the ship, Heart of Gold.

Zaphod leaped out of his seat.

“Then what’s happened to the missiles?” he said.

A new and astounding image appeared in the mirrors.

“They would appear,” said Ford doubtfully, “to have turned into a bowl of petunias and a very surprised-looking whale . . .” [Ellipsis in original]

“At an Improbability factor,” cut in Eddie, who hadn’t changed a bit, “of eight million, seven hundred and sixty-seven thousand, one hundred and twenty-eight to one against.”

Zaphod stared at Arthur.

“Did you think of that, Earthman?” he demanded.

“Well,” said Arthur, “all I did was . . .” [Ellipsis in original]

“That’s very good thinking, you know. Turn on the Improbability Drive for a second without first activating the proofing screens. Hey, kid, you just saved our lives, you know that?”

“Oh,” said Arthur, “well, it was nothing really. . . .” [Ellipsis in original]

“Was it?” said Zaphod. “Oh, well, forget it then. Okay, computer, take us in to land.”

“But . . .” [Ellipsis in original]

“I said forget it.”

Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.

And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more.

This is a complete record of its thought from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.

. . . .

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.

Headline AP: Dead Squid Wash Up in California Again

DANA POINT, Calif. - Dead jumbo squid are again mysteriously washing up along Orange County’s coastline, baffling scientists who are trying to find out why.

Captain Widdershins of the Queequeg (whose crew wears uniforms with a picture of Herman Melville on the chest): “So many of the noble submarines are gone. Aye. You think the Herman Melville suits are the only noble uniforms in the world? There used to be volunteers with P.G. Wodehouse on their uniforms.”

– Lemony Snicket’s Grim Grotto

From another news article on obesity (note the typo in the headline):

Headline AZ Central:

Study: Obesity to cut 2 to 5 years off live span

While national attention is starting to focus on contributors to obesity, including the prevalence of fast food, soft drinks in schools and cuts in physical education classes, “what we presently lack is a clear, comprehensive national vision for addressing the obesity epidemic,” Ludwig said….

Obesity researcher Dr. JoAnn Manson said she agrees with the paper’s message, if not the methods. While the calculations “may not be perfect,” the emphasis on obesity’s dangers “should serve as a wake-up call for policy makers and the public health community,” said Manson, chief of preventive medicine at Harvard’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital.

Notice the implict big-government thinking in all the obesity news that is so rampant lately. The problem is always presented as requiring a government solution. “Policy makers” need to wake up and make more regulations.

It always starts with the kids. Kids are getting fat. Therefore, the government schools need to act. They should not sell pop, candy or soft-drinks. Government schools should have more physical education.

Some local governments are “getting it” and are making changes, but not enough. Therefore, we need a “comprehensive national vision” (i.e. the Federal Government needs to impose more regulations so there are changes in every local area).

No talk about parents. No talk about personal responsibility. Lots of talk about policy makers, government schools, and national vision. So, what we need for thinner people is a fatter government.

All Lemony Snicket fans want to know. But for your own safety, you are better off not knowing.

AP Photo:

Caption: “Cracknor Cause Celebre, or Coco, a six-year-old Norfolk Terrier, rests on the trophy after she was named as Crufts 2005 Supreme Champion at the NEC, Birmingham, England, Sunday, March 13, 2005. She had previously won the Terrier category but beat six other group winners at the prestigious show’s final. The event is now in its 102nd year (AP Photo / Rui Vieira, PA)”

It is amazing how out of touch some people can be.

People in the Pirates front office really believed that getting a new stadium would fix all the baseball problems in the city. They have been so convinced of this that since they got their new stadium they have centered their marketing campaigns around the stadium rather than the baseball.

The Pirate ads have been a source of mirth among regular people in the Pittsburgh area as they blatantly market the stadium, and just mention the baseball as if it is an afterthought. The advertisements say, “Come see beautiful PNC Park! Come meet your friends! Come enjoy the view of the Pittsburgh skyline! Come and eat the food at the stadium. Oh, yeah. There will be a baseball game too, but don’t worry. It won’t be interesting so it won’t detract from enjoying the beautiful park.”

But this year will be different.

To market their future, the Pirates are focusing more on their past and less on much-celebrated PNC Park.

This past includes 12 consecutive losing seasons, at least three rebuilding plans, more than a few public relations nightmares and, most recently, a Rookie of the Year outfielder whose wrist was injured diving for a ball in a spring training game.

Conversely, PNC Park is considered baseball’s best ballpark by many.

No, Pirates executives haven’t completely lost their minds.

Quite the opposite, actually.

The basis of the Pirates’ 2005 marketing slogan — “Come Hungry” — comes from having picked the brains of their fans.

“The first question I asked when I arrived here in November was ‘How well do we know our fans?’ ” said Tim Schuldt, vice president of marketing and sales. “I wasn’t convinced we were close enough to them.”

Four focus groups later, Schuldt’s doubt proved prophetic.

“Across the board, people told us, ‘Yeah, we get it about the ballpark, it’s great… but we come to the games for the baseball and the players.’ “

Wow! It took four focus groups to learn that FANS GO TO A BALLPARK TO WATCH A BASEBALL GAME, NOT THE BALLPARK. (Note that the reporter is as surprised as the Pirates exec that people don’t come to watch a stadium.)

Well, give them credit for finally figuring that out, but I file this one under “blindingly obvious to the most casual of observers”.

We often hear that Americans are woefully ignorant of history, but it seems that the same is true in other countries as well.

In a recent poll, the French voted Napoleon Bonaparte as the 16th most important person in French history.

Admirers and impartial academics alike were aghast yesterday at the news that the little Corporal who became an Emperor had only made it to No 16 in the top 100 names in a poll for the state-owned TV channel France 2.

What do young French TV viewers know about Napoleon? Here’s the money quote from the article.

One French television viewer said: “Younger people simply do not identify with Napoleon. He was short, arrogant and I wouldn’t have voted for him.”

It sounds like this French TV viewer learned about Napoleon by watching Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

(Napoleon falls out of the tree. They go over and look at him.)

Bill: Ted, it’s Napoleon.

Ted: Who?

Bill: The short, dead dude from our History review.

I’m old enough to remember when the 7-Eleven stores were new. What convenience they offered with their promise of being open from seven in the morning until eleven at night. But over the years, we are constantly demanding more. Seven to eleven is no longer enough. We want instant access to all our service providers at all hours of the day, every day of the week. So now the phrase is 24/7.

Well, now it seems like 24/7 is no longer enough. Yesterday at work, I got a question from a customer in Europe. Perhaps it was a typo, or maybe it is due to metric time, but this customer wants more than 24/7. They asked if we have “27/7 availability”.

Bertie Wooster explains why he would not want to marry Madeline Bassett.

I can well imagine that a casual observer, if I had confided to him my qualms at the idea of being married to this girl, would have raised his eyebrows and been at a loss to understand, for she was undeniably an eyeful, being slim, svelte and bountifuly equipped with golden hair and all the fixings. But where the casual observer would have been making his bloomer was in overlooking that squashy soupiness of hers, that subtle air she had of being on the point of talking babytalk. She was the sort of girl who puts her hands over a husband’s eyes, as he is crawling in to breakfast with a morning head, and says ‘Guess who?’

P.G. Wodehouse, Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves